i used to think that when they said that first love never have a happy ending that it was all just a load of crap. i was always so proud of my relationship with THAT GUY.... how we were really good friends aside from being a couple, how our relationship developed from being the best of friends to well, as i'm sure you already figured out by ow, more than friends......how we both know each other inside and out and what was i was most proud was our long 5 year acquaintance.......
And *GASP!!* as cliche' as it sounds what those people said was actually true...... i guessed i could say that i saw it coming. there are all those signs popping out giving me a heads up and of course like any sad love story, i ignored all of them. the wired questions on how we were, the "i'm buzy" and "let me get back to you l8tr" and the constantly agonizingly not picking up the phone for 3 whole weeks!
yup! i saw it coming alright, but that doesn't mean that it hurt less. it was so eazy for him to end our relationship saying that he was not ready for that kind of relationship*WTF!* we've been officially 2gether for more than a year & he says that to me now? yeah, that makes perfect sense alright.
the thing that hurt the most is that he said that, i quote,"boleh x kalo kita just brkwn rapat & bkn 'brkapel' wlaupn kita bkn mcm kaple laen"notice the highlighted text? to me him saying that means that he is not just ending the relationship, its denying me any right to claim that we ever had a 'relationship'. saying that even though we did became a couple it never felt like it. WOW! that's going to scar 4 a long time, eternity noe that i think about it...... even if he did say that he still wanted to be good friends. yeah! like i'll ever walk down THAT road again.
but i do have to thank him i guess for doing this to me in the midst of the hactic study schedule with what the classes and tutorials and quizzes isntead of doing it to me when i'm at the comfort of my home. i swear to god i don't want my family to see what state i'm in right now. they already have their own fair share in their plates & seeing me like this i'm sure brings no good at all!!!! i do not wish to add to their already mountain high problems..... i'm sure i'll be able to get back up again... ONE DAY! maybe not so short in d future.......
but i do wished he called, not bcoz i want 2 beg, i've alraedy lost 1/2 my dignity when he dumped me, i won't be loosing the other 1/2 begging him to stay by me nor is it bcoz i want any reason bcoz no reason would be good enough to justfy it. i just wished that i could hear his voice for the last time coz i'll sure as hell won't be contacting him for at least a year, I THINK.... and it always seemed that he would call if he were to end the relationship, a more gentle way, more subtle, more how i wished he did it..... not through a simple text message.
to all my mistakes, misteps, miscalculation, my good side, my bad side, my appeal, what appeals to me, my shortcoming, to all that has brought me this aching inside taht cannot be imagined the degree of hurt & how i wish it would hurt like when my bones broke or that i could bleed it out and get it over with in a short period of time. to all of that and many more, i say, NEVER AGAIN WILL MY HEART HURT LIKE THIS.
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